A Muslim group that limited the speed at which the devout were allowed to have sex turned out to have been making a tongue-in-cheek joke.


The Muslim Human Rights Committee in Central Asia astonished Muslims and non-Muslims alike by saying that followers of Islam could only have sex at three metres per second, or five metres per second for village folk.


But its boss has admitted they made up the absurd declaration to satirise the rulings of another Muslim body that wants to ban surrogacy.


Director of the Muslim Human Rights Committee in the Central Asia, Murat Telibekov, said: "Our comment is just the response to the absurd words of the Spiritual Administration of the Muslims of Kazakhstan after they inhibited the surrogate maternity.


"They officially commented: ‘According to the Sharia Islamic Law the woman’s uterus is not a subject for negotiation, which you may sell or rent out.’ We then decided to add a couple of comments to the list to emphasise the absurdity of these words."


Also included in the joke decree about sex speed was the order that women should not be using their privates as a "jewel case, mouse trap, safe box or a purse".


Men should not be using their private parts as a "bludgeon, flagstaff, fire hose, fixture or a whistle". Besides which, they added, men should not rent out their penises.

Raysonho @ Open Grid Scheduler / Grid Engine / Wikimedia
Speed limit sign

Author: David Rogers